Monday 31 October 2011

Update #1 - Monday


Happy Halloween, everybody!

I’ve just nearly been trampled by a gang of 20 seven year olds with alien masks. Either I start giving out my own sweeties or the lights are getting turned off in a minute... and it doesn’t look like my box of Quality Street is going anywhere.

Okay so, now we’ve exchanged pleasantries, I can get down to business. Making that list yesterday was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. Instead of lolling around for hours on end scanning the internet and feeling sorry for myself, I kept my promise of getting up early and went straight to work on my Monday list. Here’s what I accomplished:



(Pretty good handwriting considering I’m a lefty!)

So… I’m ruling out “Don’t go to bed late again!” until tonight (for obvious reasons) but I think for the first day that’s pretty damn good. Instead of just applying for 2 jobs I’ve applied for 4, and along with my usual exercising I’ve been out for 2 walks as well. I was going to attempt a new recipe for lunch at the last minute but the meat didn’t defrost in time. I’ll marinate some chicken tomorrow morning and try it then, instead.

It felt great getting out of the house and feeling like I was accomplishing something at the same time. It beats going out and feeling like I’m putting something off, I know that much. I feel less lonely today too – not because I’ve talked to more people than I usually do, but because I’ve managed to have some entertaining conversations instead of struggling to find something interesting to say about what I’ve been up to. All in all, a 100% successful day.

Tomorrow will be busier as I’ve got a guitar lesson to plan and teach, but I’m sure I’ll manage after a decent night’s sleep. Last night I ended up not going to bed until nearly 4am because I was too busy listening to this punk masterpiece of a solo. Enjoy!

(Solo is at 2:04, so good!)



Sunday 30 October 2011

Motivation


There are a lot of things I despise about being a slobby dole bird.

Of course, there’s the lack of a decent wage, the weekday loneliness, the looks I receive when I complain about the little things – like my dog barking too much at the postman, and how my sister has accidentally deleted the new episode of “An Idiot Abroad”. (I mean, I was planning to watch it while eating my morning bacon sandwich. How inconsiderate of her!)

But the worst thing – and I can’t express how much of “the worst thing” this is – about being unemployed is the fact that I’ve now got nothing decent to talk about.

It’s getting to the point where I think I’m a complete conversational failure. Witty anecdotes? Mine are about how I nearly dropped the remote while watching Jeremy Kyle. Riveting gossip? I have mountains as long as my own story plots count (and no, they bloody don’t). Unless I’m chatting about something specific, or listening to a friend’s story, I’ve literally got nothing decent to say about what I’ve been doing in my life for the last couple of months. And it’s absolutely killing me.

So, this morning I came up with a new solution. Last week my solution was exercise. I used to do a decent amount earlier this year (the phrase “abs of steel” springs to mind…) but my routine came to a complete standstill in the lead up to exams and the summer. I suppose back then I had more interesting things on my mind than how many more sit-ups I could manage. But anyway, I’ve been attempting to get back into it over the past couple of weeks and now feel as though I’m comfortable with my old routine again. If not, then I'll try an even better one.

The feeling of having a planned number of squats or press-ups to do and then accomplishing what I’d written down was exhilarating. And, more importantly, this weekend I felt like I had something remotely interesting to talk about. Being completely honest, it was mostly me complaining about how much my thighs hurt, but it was something, at least.

Because of this fantastic feeling of accomplishment I’ve been inspired to write down a list of goals for this coming week. The bottom line is I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself. I mentioned in the car journey home a couple of hours ago that I’d give anything to be complaining about a crappy job instead of complaining about having no job at all. (At least then it would feel justified to the people who work their socks off every day while I sit at home like an idiot.) I want to feel like I'm doing something instead of nothing.

In the same way I wrote the number of times I performed each exercise in a set last week I’ve written it by hand (and in the same pen to boot), to make it feel a bit more real than if it was on a computer where I usually write my lists. To inspire me even further, I’m going to update my blog at the end of the week to see how many items on the list I’ve managed to tick off. If they’re not done – they’re on next week’s list until they are.

To confirm it, here’s my list. There are 14 items as of tonight but I know that’ll fluctuate as the week progresses while I add things and check others off. One is checked off already – I completed that bitch this morning finally. It feels great to have a nice organised computer.

Next stop: a more organised life. 

LIST FOR WEEK - "GOAL LIST"

1)    Organise folders
2)    Apply for AT LEAST 2 jobs per day
3)    Put credit on phone (£10)
4)    Things to buy: Chili’s T-Shirt, foundation, boyfriend’s birthday presents?
5)    Wake up no later than 9am every day
6)    Stop going to bed so late!
7)    Write at least 2 new blog posts
8)    Go for 1 jog
9)    Do exercises (allowing 1 day of rest - starting Monday)
10) Complete housework jobs every day
11) BOOK DRIVING TEST
12) Finish final version of chapter 1 in Strings
13) Try 1 new recipe for lunch
14) Drink more water in place of soft drinks

Wish me luck!

Sunday 16 October 2011

Red Wine


Use alcohol to self-medicate,
Sip a bitter taste to troubles,
I drink away to lubricate,
And incapacitate my senses.

x

Wednesday 12 October 2011

Knowledge / Words I Might Have Ate

Okay so... two poems. One kind of quick and lyrical, the other more serious and apologetic. Both unintentionally named after Green Day songs. (I tend to steal ideas when I'm not writing anything serious, and it's too hard to rip their names from them now I kind of count them both as something substantial.)

The reason I'm including them both together is because they're two very different perspectives of the same person/my perception of a person. I wrote the pair of them earlier this year (Knowledge in the back end of May, and Words I Might Have Ate in June) exactly two weeks apart.

It's funny how I came to write them so quickly together. I sat down one night with the first bout of inspiration I'd had in while, to write Knowledge, which in a very simple summary, is a sarcastic response to having to politely listen to a very opinionated person. It isn't necessarily a disagreement of what I felt they believed in, but a dislike of how they presented their views, and how because of this, they appeared prejudiced and even violent, regardless of how intelligent they actually were. After it was finished, I posted it to my writing thread in a forum I'm a member of, and that was that.

Until the weekend.

Fields

Can't decide if I want to use this as a song or a poem. Urgh.

Hey there my sweet darling,
Skipping down that dusty road,
In this dried out twisted farmland,
There's a crowd but you're alone.

Once again you're in the spotlight,
This time the sun in hot mid-day,
Dancing like it's midnight,
You laugh in bliss, in reeds you play.

Press those keys so innocently,
Wonderfully pure in duck-egg blue,
Oh, how I wish I was there,
How I wish I were you.

Monday 3 October 2011

What Music Means To Me - Heavy Metal Lover: Testimony of a Little Monster


Before reading, I strongly recommend listening to the song attached to the bottom of this post. Partly to understand what I’m talking about, but mostly because it’s purely worth a listen!

After a week of intensive listening to Born This Way – an album which Worldwide, needs of course no introduction – I have to be honest; Heavy Metal Lover was probably the only song which didn’t completely grab me from the get-go.

The modest track 11, sandwiched between the magical Highway Unicorn (Road to Love) and that dark, progressive riff of Electric Chapel, categorised itself in my mind as merely a transitional track with a satisfying beat, absent of the strength the rest of the tracks on the album undoubtedly command. I felt each and every song on Born This Way held its own interesting, multi-layered character, so one night; I made the decision to single the song out and give it the attention it deserved – wondering if it could redeem itself as another Born This Way standout number.

To my surprise, not only did it achieve this title, but for me, surpassed every other message, lyric, and character Gaga has ever written. Sonically, the hook I’d hardly appreciated when listening to Born This Way as a whole, fast became my favourite on the album. It’s impossible for me now to not listen with my iPod (Lucky) on top volume, nodding my head to the rhythm and feeling my arms prickle with goosebumps when the chorus is in full swing, or the robotic bridge is cutting through the synths – like a woman desperate to sing, trapped in an existence of fame and machinery. It never fails to exhilarate me.

But, the precious connection I now feel to the song began due to something deeper. It all started around half-way through my first “real” listen. There, amidst the sledgehammer beat pinned with that dance pop hook, I heard the lyric “I could be your girl, but would you love me if I ruled the world?”